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What is Child Sexual Abuse?

Child sexual abuse is any forced or tricked sexual contact by an adult or older child with a child. Usually the adult or older child is in a position of power or authority over the child. Physical force is generally not used, since there is usually a trusting relationship between the adults or older child and the child who is abused.

Child sexual abuse does not always involve physical touching. It can include any experience or attitude imposed on a child that gets in the way of the development of healthy sexual responses or behaviors. For example, a child may be a victim of "emotional incest." If a mother tells her son, in great detail, about her sexual exploits or if a father promises his daughter that she will be his life partner when she turns 18, these would be scenarios in which the child could be considered sexually abused. Siblings who are a aware of a brother or sister’s victimization, but are not actually abused themselves, may also suffer many of the same effects as an abused child.

What behaviors or signs might you see in a child who has been sexually abused?

While no one sign or behavior can be considered absolute proof that sexual abuse has occurred, you should consider the possibility of sexual abuse when one or several of these signs or behaviors are present.

Physical Signs

Scratches, bruises, itching, rashes, cuts or injuries, especially in the genital area

Venereal disease

Pregnancy in young adolescents

Blood or discharge in bedding or clothes, especially underwear

Behavioral Signs

1. Aggressive behavior towards younger children

2. Advanced sexual knowledge for the child’s age

3. Seductive or "sexy" behavior towards adults or peers

4. Pseudo-mature behavior (for instance, a girl who is eight and dresses like a 16 year-old wears makeup and generally acts "too old for her 1age," or a boy who attempts to be his mother’s "man" in every sense of the word)

5. Regressed behavior (for example, the child who has been toilet trained starts wetting the bed)

6. Excessive masturbation, masturbation in public places, difficulty with being re-focused to another behavior

7. Poor relationships with peers

8. Fear of a particular person, place or thing (for example, if the abuse occurred in the bathroom, the child may show fear in that room)

9. Sudden or extreme changes in behavior (for instance, a previously good student starts having trouble with school work, a child who was not sad before starts crying frequently or acting sad, or a formerly cooperative child acts defiantly or is uncooperative or unusually overly cooperative)

10. Eating disorders (overeats, under eats)

Additional behavioral signs in pre-teens and adolescents

1. Self-mutilation

2. Threatening or attempting suicide

3. Using drugs or alcohol

4. Becoming promiscuous

5. Being prudish

6. Prostitution

7. Fire-setting

8. Lying, stealing

9. Running away

10. Isolating self or dropping friends

11. Pre-occupation with death

Will our child and family need professional help?

It is very likely that at some time or other parents of a child who was sexually abused will need professional help and support for themselves and their child. The type of therapy what will be the most helpful, that is, individual, couple or family therapy, will depend on family’s particular situation.

When a child is being seen in individual therapy, it is important that the parents, who have the primary responsibility for the child, be in close contract with the therapist, or included in the therapy. Try to choose a therapist who is knowledgeable about sexual abuse and adoption issues and with whom you feel comfortable. If parents are not familiar with the therapy resources in their area, they may want to ask their adoption agency or local mental health center for a referral.

Support groups for adoptive parents or sexually abused children and support groups for victims/survivors are another helpful resource. Adoptive parents who have had a chance to talk with others who understand the experience of parenting a sexually abused child say that this kind of sharing is very useful. Dr. Nicholas Groth, a leading psychologist in the field of sexual abuse, along with many children and adult victims/survivors, say that groups for children can be most effective in the healing process. The opportunity to talk and share with other children who have also experience sexual abuse reduces a child’s sense of isolation and belief that he/she is the only one to whom this has ever happened.

Is the healing ever completed?

Recovery from child sexual abuse is an on-going process. As this process unfolds, the child will ideally move from victim to survivor to thriver. Developmental stages, particularly adolescence and young adulthood, may trigger old feelings about the abuse. For example, the time when an adolescent’s body begins to develop physically, or when he or she marries, or becomes a parent may restimulate old feelings and memories.

So many factors can influence the extent of the damage to the abused child. While adoptive parents cannot erase what happened to their child earlier in his/her life, you have a wonderful opportunity to provide your child with new, healthier experiences. Those who have made the commitment to parenting a sexually abused child say that the rewards of helping a child grow into a healthy, vibrant adult are very satisfying indeed.

This was taken from the National Adoption Information Clearing House, "Parenting the Sexually Abused Child". Contact them for more information on this and other topics