TAPLINK

Support for
Pennsylvania
Adoptive & Foster Families

Taproot issue 39 - February 2001

I would like to dedicate this article to all the people who work in the child welfare system. Especially to those of you who recruit families to adopt children with special needs. I would also like to challenge you not to forget the reason you chose your occupation. It was not for the money or the prestige. It was for the children!

A few months ago I went to visit my family in Detroit or Deeetroit as some of you here in Pennsylvania call it. I always knew that all seven of my older sister’s children aged out of the “system”. When they became adults they all searched and found my sister. Until this visit, what I did not know was what the “system” had done to them

As I sat and talked with my niece Donna (now 37 years old), she told me about what happened to her as a child. The years of abuse started when she and her oldest sister Linda were sent to a home for children. It was not soon after that, that they were attacked by one of the man at the home. To protect Donna, Linda hid her in a wall and took the rape that was meant for Donna. As a result of the rape, Linda became pregnant. The baby was taken away never to be seen again. As they moved from foster home to foster home, the rapes continued by man and women until they “aged out the system”.

For years Donna went from man to man trying to find hope in life. She finally found it when she took Jesus as her savior.

Linda tried to kill herself three times that I know of. She also went from marriage to marriage, finally ending up with an abusive husband. Linda too has now put her trust in the Lord and has found peace in Him.

Donna took out pictures of Linda’s 50^th birthday party. It was so nice seeing so many of my nieces and nephews together. It was a joy to see Linda smiling in every picture. Donna gave Linda her first doll as a birthday present.

As Donna and I talked she told me of the abuse that my oldest nephew went though. He was placed in several foster homes, but one of them was a living hell. When Willie was an adult, he used to have these nightmares about the green monsters in the closet and that is when she found out about this foster home. He told her that he was put in a closet and kept there. He ate in there and he slept in there. The only time he was allowed out was to go to school, the bathroom, or to be sexually abused. Now I understand why at my mother’s funeral he yelled so loudly as the casket was being closed. “No, no, no, she taught me how to be a man. I am not gay, she taught me how to be a man.” Today Willie wanders around the city of Detroit talking to himself and living on the street.

Donna asked me if I ever wondered why Barbara (another niece) never came around the family and was always to herself. She then told me of Barbara’s abuse. Now I understand why when Barabara heard that three children she knew were being placed in foster care, she went to court and fought hard to have them placeed in her home until the mother got her “act” together. She kept them until they were reunited with their mom. I praise the Lord that she is married to a VERY understanding husband.

When I left Donna I went to visit another niece Genice. Genice like the others was moved from foster home to foster home. She was abused in each one. She tried to explain to me why after 22 years of marriage she was leaving her husband and children. All she could say was that I could not understand what had happened to her starting at the age of 8, and that she needed to be alone. Looking back, now I understand way she, never let her husband be alone with any of their daughters at any time. She would always call my mom to come stay at her house whenever she went into the hospital to have another baby or would be away from the house overnight. She would beg my mom not to leave the house if her husband was home with the girls.

When all of this was happening I was very young, but talking with Donna has changed me forever. I hope it has made some of you rethink way you are doing, what you are doing. Please ask yourself; What was my original motivation to work in the child welfare system? When, specifically, did I lose it and why? What were my original objectives in this position?

I know that pressures and problems come with the job, but you have the power to control how you react to them. To you recruiters, flex your creativity. Please do not think that your job is just another job. You are just as important as a brain surgeon because you both do the same thing. You both save lives.