TAPLINK

Support for
Pennsylvania
Adoptive & Foster Families

Taproot issue 39 - February 2001

By Laurie Elliott

“Whatever coaxes us out of hiding, to write, record, and express is a revolutionary act. It says that we believe our lives count: or lives DO count.”
-SARK

You don’t have to be a writer to journal with your child. There is no right or wrong way to journal, but, not to try is perhaps to miss our on an opportunity to share yourself and come to better know your child. Determine not to place too many “rules” on the “how to”, “how often,” etc. Journaled items should only be discussed between the parties involved and then ONLY if agreed through writing. This is non-threatening and free manner of expression. A few other ideas to consider: don’t pick your child who hates the actual act of writing for your first try at this; don’t try to journal with every family member. Make this successful, pick a child you believe will enjoy the activity.

Swear to secrecy, to not let dad or mom or other family members read the journal without the other writer’s permission. Don’t nag “did you journal yet?” Make a pact from the start that any “confessions” in the journal will NOT be subject to punishment.

Remember this is a free-write exercise of self-expression which will come more and more naturally.

Are you ready?

1. You and your child go “journal” shopping. (A ruled journal is best for kids.)
2. Write your secret pact in the front, (see above).
3. Parents start the Journal
4. Print.
5. Keep it brief.
6. Use ”I” statements.
7. Avoid using “you” or “do”
8. Share something that comes to your mind from your own childhood. How did you feel? What happened to you? Testimony works better than preaching, (kids want to know that their parents were once real kids).
9. Share some of your favorite things, colors, and places
10. Ask questions at the end of your entry. Try beginning questions with “how, when,” “where”, “who” and “what.” This helps avoid “yes” and “no” answers.
11. Use feeling words often to stretch your child’s feeling, vocabulary and show you have some.
12. Avoid “issue” discussions unless the child brings it up. For example: an entry starting with, “Son, I never did drugs.” Is a red flag that dad’s not journaling anymore, he’s preaching. Rather, discuss issues that impacted you as a kid.
13. Remember to start out slowly. Kids are overwhelmed with too many questions or information.
14. Drawing in the journal is another way to express.
15. Use a pen, this will be a wonderful treasure of memories one day and pencil fades.

Please, tell your child from the start that anytime they have something they really want to write about that is serious, they can. If they just don’t know how, then give them a code number to write, like 007 or 911. This means, mom, dad, what is on my heart is too big to write, or I am afraid to write it, or I need help NOW. NEVER make such a deal as this and then take it lightly if they use the code. (Stress ahead of time that you will take it seriously.) Also, don’t immediately jump to conclusions about “what” they are concerned about or get others involved. Remember, you gave your work that they can confide in you. If events turn out to be so serious you must involve others, you still can share these decisions gently with your child.

I have journaled most of my life. It has been my time with my Heavenly Father. I now have a storage space rented containing 30 plus years of journaling and journey. I have also journaled with some of my kids with success, others without one response. I have journaled with friends and it has been very rewarding. I hope you will not let any past fear of writing, high school English, or lack of confidence keep you from enjoying this rewarding form of self-expression. If you start, God will meet you and your child there and you will be AMAZED!!! Enjoy.

Heart Connection Volume 1. Issue 2