NOT ADOPTED

Generally does not realize differences. If notices them, like to point them out.

Feels OK about adoption and thinks story is special.

Generally does not realize differences. If notices them, likes to point them out.

Feels OK about adoption and thinks story is special.

Child begins to ask many questions about babies, birth, differences.

Likes adoption story, but does not understand concepts of adoption. Feels some differences, especially if in multi-cultural family.

Tells most people he/she is adopted.

Child begins to ask many questions about babies, birth, differences.

Does not understand adoption, but wonders about it when it comes up – and often asks simple questions to learn more.

Accept adoption as a way to form a family.

Child understands basic concepts of adoption.

Begins grieving process.

May stop asking questions/denial.

Realizes she/he lost something in order to be adopted.

“Not everyone is adopted like me.”

“Why was I adopted?”

“Why didn’t they keep me?”

“Did I do something wrong?”

Increasing interest in birth parents.

Fantasies about living with different parents.

Does not understand adoption concepts, but begins to sense that it results when birth parents “give away” child

Reaction to adopted peers based on information from adults (if any) or media.

“Not everyone is adopted like he is.”

“Why was she adopted?”

“Could my parents give me away?”

“I’m glad I am not adopted.”

“Adoption is OK because I like you” or “Adoption is NOT OK because I don’t like you.”

Fantasies about living with different parents.

Anger stage of grieving and development stage.

May resist authority, try on new identities.

Begins separating from 2 sets of parents.

May be angry over loss of control over adoption decisions, wants more control in life.

Growing sense of self: identity issues.

More complex reasoning about adoption story and needs to look at grays rather than black and white.

Rejects kids who are different.

Generally does not talk about being an adoptee.

What does sex have to do with adoption?

12-14

Anger stage of development stage.

May resist authority, try on new identities.

Begins separating from 1 set of parents.

Wants more control in life.

Growing sense of self: identity issues.

Sees many differences about adoptive families. Oversimplifies how adoption occurs and does not understand emotional issues.

Rejects kids who are different.

May be negative about what he/she perceives adoption reflects about adoptees.

What does sex have to do with adoption?

Separates from 2 sets of parents.

Has second layer of concerns about leaving home.

Separates from 1 set of parents.

May face concerns about leaving home, but usually feels secure about its permanency.