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Taproot
issue 40 - June 2001
MPS SYNDROME
(MOMS OF PRESCHOOLERS) |
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It’s in vogue today to find some category
of initials with which to identify. T.M.J. (Temporary Mandibular Joint
Dysfunction), A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder), A.C.O.A. (Adult Children
of Alcoholics), and if none of those work, perhaps you can simply plead
P.M.S.
How about a new, refreshing “syndrome” to
explain your not so sophisticated days and behaviors? Now there’s M.P.S.!
M.P.S. sufferers are everywhere. It strikes
women in their prime and men by association. The symptoms of M.P.S., also
known as Mothers of Preschoolers, are variable. However, you know you
are a victim of M.P.S. when you:
· Fantasize about a utopia where there
are no safety caps , sippy cups or safety gates.
· Have a compulsion to rearrange the furniture several times a day
to protect breakables.
· Consider only three interruptions and five hours sleep, a good night’s
sleep.
· Find yourself cleaning the pacifier or bottle nipples on the inside
of your shirt.
· Can only find a Mickey Mouse bandage for yourself so you use it…and
feel dis- appointed that the Donald Duck ones are gone.
· Double tie your own sneakers.
· Rock and sway with the milk carton while waiting in the grocery
line.
· Consider going to the bathroom “quiet” time.
· Find yourself weaving through back streets in town to avoid passing
the golden arches when the kids are in the car.
· Discover phone conversations consists of more “just a minutes” than
actual conversation.
· Long for a moment of silence, then when it happens you yell, “What’s
going on in there?”
· Find yourself going through the day humming, “Won’t You Be My Neighbor.”
· Go to the grocery store as a social outlet.
· Automatically lick a finger to wipe a pen smudge off a friend’s
face.
· Check to see if the emblem on the church bulletin is a scratch’n
sniff.
· Find all your letters to friends have a child’s scribbling on each
page, so you write some cute saying beside them and send the letter
anyway.
· Think about wearing a bib to avoid changing yourself so often.
· Talk the mail carrier’s ear off because he’s your first adult contact
all day.
· Consider a dream vacation to be sleeping in until 8 a.m.
· Find well-meaning friends suggest that you take on a babysitting
job or volunteer “since you do nothing all day.”
· Affectionately name the washing machine because you are spending
so much time together.
· Tell the doctor “bye-bye” before handing up the phone.
· Have a steady lunch diet of PBJ…crusts.
· Find the general conversation with other M.P.S. sufferers often
includes raving over a captivating Winnie the Pooh video, the latest
concern over your child’s bathroom habits, and what antibiotic works
best at your house.
It is difficult to remember those “sane”
and simple days, before M.P.S. I glamorize them as times of clear, crisp
thinking, intelligent, creative conversation and full of meaningful adult
contact. When reality returns me to all the runny noses, 20 questions
and constant needs of my preschoolers, I remember that life has never
been so sweet as it is now. Like other M.P.S. sufferers, I look forward
to therapy which includes more smiles and hugs than I have ever received.
Besides M.P.S. is temporary. It soon gives
way to M.O.T. (Mom of Teens). Just think how dumb I’ll be then!
By Laurie Elliott
Heart Connections December
2000
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