TAPLINK

Support for
Pennsylvania
Adoptive & Foster Families

Taproot issue 46 - December 2003

Don't Believe Me When I Say I Don't Want to Be Adopted

Advice for Workers from a Former Waiting Child

Waiting children are often reluctant to open up to anyone – including caseworkers - about their feelings. This can make it difficult for others to understand what foster care and adoption is like from a child's perspective.

We recently spoke with an adopted teenager named Steven who was brave enough to share his thoughts and feelings about his experiences as a waiting child. We thought he had some good insights and advice for workers that we'd like to pass along to you.

We Just Want Love

Steven asked workers to remember that waiting children, "just want to be loved," despite whatever outward impression they may give. He said waiting children may act "tough and mean" because, "it hides our pain. It is a very sad and lonely place when you feel that no one will love you."

He appealed to workers to continue to be caring and supportive: "Please don't give up on us! We want to be adopted, too, even if we tell you that we don't. We only say that because we are afraid."

We Are Not Trash

Steven had another request: "Do not pack our things in trash bags when you move us to another home. We are not trash! It is very sad to see your whole life packed into a black trash bag. You start to feel like garbage."

We Love Our Siblings

He reminded us of another important concern among waiting children - maintaining sibling ties. "We want to be with our siblings," he said simply. He went on to express one of his major disappointments with his foster care experience: "I wish my caseworker would have worked harder to keep my little brother and me together. She didn't fight for me."

Steven concluded, "When I grow up, I want to adopt and give a kid a chance. I won't give up on them! I know how it feels. But I also know how it is to have a happy ending."

Printed with permission from Steven Walker and his mom, Buffalo, NY.